Saturday Night Life Stories

So it's probably no secret, but I have never had a boyfriend. What usually happens is that I like someone, they start to like me and then I just stop. Or I like someone who I have no chance of ever being with.

It's weird and annoying, you know? But it keeps on happening. Someone told me that it's because I only want what I can't have. But I don't think that's it. It stops so suddenly sometimes and other times I gradually start to dislike the person.

But I think I've finally found out what my problem is. The other night when I was talking to my mom she said "I bet you turn these guys down because you think they'll stop you from travelling like you want to."

And I guess that's right. I don't want anything or anyone to stop me from moving countries or from travelling. Although when I start talking to a guy I don't think of it directly. It's not like I think "oh shit I'm not talking to this guy ever again, he might stop me from leaving." I think it's more of a subconscious thing. As long as I don't have to commit to anything or anyone I have nothing keeping me here. If I'm unhappy I'll always want to leave.

If this is how my mind works it really does explain a lot of things.

Unrequited Love.

The girl seriously can't think for herself. Right now we have yearly exams at school and we are in grade 11. On the internet every night she asks me if I am going to study. And every night I lie and say No. I'm just testing to see if she will not study just because I'm "not".

And every night she says "Oh yeah me too". Not in those words exactly but similar words to that effect. And then every morning I get to school she's sitting at one of the tables in senior court-yard studying.

And today in between our 2nd english exam and our vet course exam she was studying her Business Services notes and I said "Hey why are you studying if you said you weren't going to study?" and she said "Well there's nothing else to do at the moment".

That's not true there was plenty of other stuff to do.

I think she's just embarrased that she actually has to study. And I don't care that I seem like a hypocrite. She should be able to think for herself and she shouldn't have to hide something like that from me. If I say I'm not studying she doesnt have to say she's not studying, she could be like "oh yeah I'm going to".

And I think she's in love with me. She's always trying to flirt with me and she's always saying that I'm "weird" and thats why she "loves me".