Before I used to complain about everything without doing anything about it. Now I complain about everything while doing everything I possibly can to change my situation and just end up where I was before, only now with a lot more stress and a little less self-esteem.
So what is the point in even trying anymore? I've honestly had enough of everything. I can't take this country. I can't take this uni or this course. I can't take this job. I can't take the people I have to deal with. I can't take anything anymore and I can't change a thing.
This feels like when I was younger when I was afraid to talk. When a teacher or someone (anyone) spoke to me I'd be too afraid to say "Sorry I can't talk". I'd be too afraid to get up and leave. I'd be too afraid to even cry. What was I meant to do in that situation? What am I meant to do now?
I remember being in high school when I'd be assigned a speech assignment. The teacher would say "If you have any problems please come and talk to me." My problem was that I couldn't talk. What an ironic situation!
I hate my life and I hate myself for hating it. Why can't I just be happy with what I have just like everyone else? I hate myself for wanting to be like everyone else. Honestly I just hate everything about everything.
I just want something to change. I need something to change. I need to be noticed. But that's even hard to do, what with everyone only being interested in themselves and hating me for reasons I cannot fathom. Even trying to get people to click on a simple link to my Flickr is a huge ask.
I thought about making a vlog, but honestly who'd be interested in what I have to say? Plus I know someone who has one and well she's lame and boring. I don't think I'd be able to survive negative comments. Anyway here's to another year filled with disappointments and unfulfilled dreams.
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2 comments:
:( I feel where you're coming from man. All I can say is to just stick it out I guess, and one day good shit will happen and everyone else will realise how much they actually aren't content with the daily grind and their boring monotonous lives, while you pick yourself up and do something amazing.
I disagree with the title. Sure, I understand why you're in that state of mind, I've been in it for a long time. But the fact that you've chosen to try and get what you want, rather than settle for some relatively easy and boring life, is what really matters. If everyone, or at least some people did that, tried to attain what they truly wanted, then the world would be a much better place. Try not to let failure stop you, no matter how hard it gets sometimes.
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