...and the truth is out.

"The only reason why I will ever come back to Penrith, even just for a visit is Shaun. Because the rest of you aren't really important."

Thanks, brother. I'll remember this next time you move back in and ask for a lift to the pub or for a lift home at 3 in the morning or want to borrow money.

It's cool to find out what your family members REALLY think of you. But sad when what you think they think actually turns out to be true.

My brother moved up the coast today. When did we find out he was moving? Oh just yesterday at 9pm when his girlfriend came over and he started packing clothes into her car. He then told us he was never coming back, except of course for visiting my other brother.

Another fail

I wanted to buy a new DSLR today. So I went to Harvey Norman. I was so nervous driving there because you have to drive through a tunnel to get there and I haven't driven through a tunnel since I was 17 and was on my Learners.

I get there. Choose the camera I want (Nikon D300) and choose the lens. The salesmen tells me that it comes with a carry bag, battery, memory card and warrantee. All up the cost was $3500 - something I can afford, but due to other commitments I asked if I could have the camera and make payments every week on it. I thought this would be good to give myself a credit rating. Since I am now 20 I'll probably be needing one some time in the near future.

So the salesmen puts me on the phone to the guy who does the credit checks and who makes sure I can afford the weekly payments. The man on the phone tells me that the payments will be approximately $50 a week. He had to check how much I earn, which is approximately $200 a week.

He then told me that the contract can go no further because I don't earn enough per week to be able to afford it. What is up with that?! I earn $200 a week...what do I spend it on? Well apart from the $20 I spend on petrol every 3 weeks I spend it on nothing.

It's a little ironic that I have enough money at the moment to buy the camera outright twice and still have money left over but I don't earn enough to spend $50 a week.

It's a little stupid if you ask me. You know there's something wrong with the world when someone who is unemployed, earning $0 a week, and is $20 000+ in debt can successfully apply for a credit card but someone who has been employed by the same company for four years, earns $200+ a week and the only debt they have is uni HECS can't buy a camera at $50 a week.

I'm sorry but I find this completely idiotic. If i didn't need the money in my account to go overseas for a couple months this year/next year I would have just bought the camera. I'd just prefer a little bit of money to leave my account each week than one huge lump.

Work filler

Honestly I hate stupid people. Not only do they not listen to me when I answer their questions but the majority of them like to imply that I, myself, am stupid. They drive me insane.

On Thursday night at work I was placed in laybys and I had to deal with many customers that were very annoying and very stupid. But here's one that really annoyed me (well I was extremely busy, and because of their stupidity I got hardly any work done. Thanks guys).

*phone rings*

Me: Good evening, [store], how can I help you?

Customer: I'd like to be put through to layby.

Me: Yes that's me, how can I help you?

Customer: I had a layby and I want to know if it's still there?

Me: Sure, can I grab the layby number and your surname please?

Customer: [reads layby number and her name out]

Me: Okay, I'm just going to put you on hold so I can check the computer. I won't be a moment.

I put the customer on hold and bring up her account. As it happens the layby has been cancelled and she has already picked up the money.

Me: Hi, I'm sorry but your layby has already been cancelled and you've already picked up the money.

Customer: But is it still there?

Me: No sorry you've already cancelled it.

Customer: But is it still there?

Me: No.

Customer: Can you check out the back?

Me: Sorry it's not there.

Customer: Can you just check then please?

Me: Umm...

Customer: When does it get put back?

Me: As soon as you cancel it.

Customer: Are you sure it's not there?

Me: Yes, the stock may be on the shop floor but I can't tell you for sure if it is or not.

Customer: Can you just check?

Me: I have no way of knowing what you bought.

Customer: Can you check out the back then?

Me: No, sorry.

Customer: Okay, thanks for your help. Bye.

If that wasn't bad enough the lady came in a short time later and told me her surname, which I recognised, and said that her layby was on hold and wanted me to check out the back for it. I asked her if she had the receipt (knowing that she wouldn't) and she said no that she had already cancelled the layby. I then told her again that laybys are put back as soon as they were cancelled and that I wouldn't check out the back.

You tried, you failed. The lesson is never try. Thanks Homer Simpson

Before I used to complain about everything without doing anything about it. Now I complain about everything while doing everything I possibly can to change my situation and just end up where I was before, only now with a lot more stress and a little less self-esteem.

So what is the point in even trying anymore? I've honestly had enough of everything. I can't take this country. I can't take this uni or this course. I can't take this job. I can't take the people I have to deal with. I can't take anything anymore and I can't change a thing.

This feels like when I was younger when I was afraid to talk. When a teacher or someone (anyone) spoke to me I'd be too afraid to say "Sorry I can't talk". I'd be too afraid to get up and leave. I'd be too afraid to even cry. What was I meant to do in that situation? What am I meant to do now?

I remember being in high school when I'd be assigned a speech assignment. The teacher would say "If you have any problems please come and talk to me." My problem was that I couldn't talk. What an ironic situation!

I hate my life and I hate myself for hating it. Why can't I just be happy with what I have just like everyone else? I hate myself for wanting to be like everyone else. Honestly I just hate everything about everything.

I just want something to change. I need something to change. I need to be noticed. But that's even hard to do, what with everyone only being interested in themselves and hating me for reasons I cannot fathom. Even trying to get people to click on a simple link to my Flickr is a huge ask.

I thought about making a vlog, but honestly who'd be interested in what I have to say? Plus I know someone who has one and well she's lame and boring. I don't think I'd be able to survive negative comments. Anyway here's to another year filled with disappointments and unfulfilled dreams.